make new year’s resolutions, and i’m not really doing that this year either, but i am quitting certain things i’ve been thinking about for a while, and it just happens to coincide with the new year which just happens to be a great marker for time. so it’s kind of the same thing, but in my brain it’s different.
anyway, i’m tired of both looking and feeling fat and disgusting. i’m not sure which is worse, but i’m leaning toward feeling because i know plenty of overweight people who are perfectly happy with their bodies, but i am not one of them and no amount of positivity or affirmation is going to change that. i’m uncomfortable in my skin. and i find myself missing the days when i got a lot of attention, even though i was uncomfortable with that, too.
not to mention the health problems that being overweight has caused me. it’s not like i’m morbidly obese or anything, but the blood pressure and potential liver problems… it’s just too much.
anyway, first thing that’s gone is the diet soda. i would have at least one a day, sometimes more, and lately every single time i would take a drink i would think to myself, “why would any sane person drink something that’s black and causes cancer in rats?” and then i would drink it. at work i drink half- to a whole gallon of water a day, but it doesn’t un-drink the diet sodas. but i’m gonna shift to herbal teas and coffee. uh, in general, i take a lot of beverage. i’m not quitting caffeine.
the next thing is beef. i only like processed beef, and it’s terrible for you. i gave up beef for many months last year, and was happier for it.
i don’t like a lot of meat in general so i’d probably make a good vegetarian, but i’ll save that for a possible future goal. i was vegan for several months a few years ago, trying new things and new recipes, and i had to quit after i made “meat loaf” out of lentils and it was neither meat nor loaf and i hated lentils and i couldn’t abide.
and the final thing is refined sugar. this will probably be what gives me nightmares, but i’ve done it before and i can do it again.
i’m not going to say NEVER AGAIN to any of it because i think the best way to sabotage yourself is to be a nazi about things like this. somebody told me that self-control was like a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it gets, so to expect to immediately have all of the self-control is a sure way to fail.